Friday, April 10, 2009

The Condition

These months have been one of the toughest months to endure. My father's condition is inevitably leading to the end. I once pray to God about 2 years ago to lengthen his life because I'm not ready & I want to know my father more. My prayer was granted.

Today, I sit here with a better understanding toward my father. Seeing him in great agony fighting his spreading cancer and complication from day to day, week to week, month to month is really heartbreaking. As the eldest in Asian family, I'm expected to perform my best to escort my Mom and siblings through this 'adventure'. Sometime it's tempting to think about my ex, thinking maybe I would feel better and stronger if she is around now, but luckily (or is it?) my logic shout louder than my emotion. In this situation I really don't have much time and energy to get carried away with the illusion of the past. I hope can maintain it this way at least until the 'showtime' ended.

This is my first time sharing my personal stuff to the world. I have no idea how people will perceive this post, but having this 'adventure' really open a new chapter for me to read. If I can summary this chapter it will be "What ever you do with your life, please respect yourself & respect others."

The cliche is repeated.

Well, one thing for sure. Because of my father's condition some of my good friends decided and successfully quit their smoking habit, they even started to do routine exercise. Now that's what I meant by respecting yourself.

So far, I've seen 4,5 deaths during my stay at the ICU (the 0,5 was a false alarm from a resurrected poor guy). Observing the hospital procedure, listening to the heartbreaking family cry, watching the cold stainless steel coffin approach the death bed, I try to imagine as if it's my turn to face that. Rehearsing for the 'showtime'. Hoping I will be ready.

Life is suddenly a drama.
The only different is you can't leave your sit even if you don't like how the story goes.

Happy Birthday Father.


superkendy said...

I really pray for ur dad.. Happy Birthday uncle!

candice said...

i just came across your site via the stickers and stuff blog and i am so sorry to hear about your dad.

you are in my thoughts, it can't be an easy time for you and your family.

ririn1385 said...

I just crossed your site because of the paper-craft thing and i know it seems so late but i'm sorry to hear about your dad.
Keep the good work!