Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Departure

The ICU chapter is finally over and the funeral went well. I still remember the moment when my father's heartbeat dropped second by second on the ECG monitor, it's like watching new year's eve countdown on TV, instead this time it's very calm and quiet. I must say the room is suddenly filled with the kind of composed quietness that I never felt before. Especially after the good doctor and nurses perform their final duty and close the door.

The funeral was attended with at least 400 guests, I'm sure my father will be very happy to know the guest list. Some guests reveal funny little secrets about my father, some shares good advices, some offered amazing supports and overall it created a good farewell mood.

Now... I'm sure there are plenty of you who are hungry for a new paper toy, please wait a little longer while I 'cook' something for you all.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Condition

These months have been one of the toughest months to endure. My father's condition is inevitably leading to the end. I once pray to God about 2 years ago to lengthen his life because I'm not ready & I want to know my father more. My prayer was granted.

Today, I sit here with a better understanding toward my father. Seeing him in great agony fighting his spreading cancer and complication from day to day, week to week, month to month is really heartbreaking. As the eldest in Asian family, I'm expected to perform my best to escort my Mom and siblings through this 'adventure'. Sometime it's tempting to think about my ex, thinking maybe I would feel better and stronger if she is around now, but luckily (or is it?) my logic shout louder than my emotion. In this situation I really don't have much time and energy to get carried away with the illusion of the past. I hope can maintain it this way at least until the 'showtime' ended.

This is my first time sharing my personal stuff to the world. I have no idea how people will perceive this post, but having this 'adventure' really open a new chapter for me to read. If I can summary this chapter it will be "What ever you do with your life, please respect yourself & respect others."

The cliche is repeated.

Well, one thing for sure. Because of my father's condition some of my good friends decided and successfully quit their smoking habit, they even started to do routine exercise. Now that's what I meant by respecting yourself.

So far, I've seen 4,5 deaths during my stay at the ICU (the 0,5 was a false alarm from a resurrected poor guy). Observing the hospital procedure, listening to the heartbreaking family cry, watching the cold stainless steel coffin approach the death bed, I try to imagine as if it's my turn to face that. Rehearsing for the 'showtime'. Hoping I will be ready.

Life is suddenly a drama.
The only different is you can't leave your sit even if you don't like how the story goes.

Happy Birthday Father.